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Put an End to False Beliefs that Keep You
Stuck
Many of us have false beliefs lodged in our minds that control
our behavior and keep us stuck. Somewhere along the line, we
have been told something or learned something that we took to
heart and have made part of our life's rules, and it has stayed
there even if it no longer serves us well or even if it never
served us well.
For example, many of my clients who struggle with perfectionism
tell me they can still hear their father (or other authority
figure) saying, "Do it right or don't do it at all!" Others who
are constantly overbooked and overwhelmed tell me their mothers
did it all, so they feel they should be able to, too. And I
often hear, "I have to save everything, because that's what my
parents (or grandparents) did".
Here are more lies that people often believe:
"My worth depends on how much nice stuff I own (or how busy I
am, or how I look)."
"My job is to serve others; my needs don't matter."
"I'm so stupid for making a mistake."
"I just don't have it in me to be organized."
So how do we change these beliefs and begin to live in a way
that gets us less stress and self-reproach, and more of what we
want and need?
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The first step is to identify the beliefs that
cause us trouble. Take some time to think about this. Be truly
honest with yourself. Ask friends and family what they see in
your behavior that may stem from a false belief. Write down each
belief, and then think back to when it became entrenched in your
mind. Was there someone in your life who held you to
unreasonable standards? Someone who didn't recognize you as a
valued, worthy person with your own ideas and needs? Or are you
buying into the media hype that attempts to assign us worth and
value based on all the wrong things?
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Now take your list of beliefs that are detrimental to you and
ask about each one, "Does this belief apply to me at this time in my
life?" "Is it appropriate to my nature, personality, uniqueness,
and inherent worth as a person?" You are your own person. Nobody
gets to decide what applies to you except you! I give you
permission to put aside your false beliefs and live in a manner
that more truly aligns with you and your own values!
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And finally, replace the false belief with an accurate and
appropriate belief. For example, if you believe that you
shouldn't make mistakes, acknowledge that we all make mistakes,
and in fact, it's how we are meant to learn and grow. It is
often those of us who risk making mistakes who the are wisest
and most fulfilled in their lives! Replace that belief with a
phrase that is more beneficial, such as "Mistakes are vital to
learning and growing!". I sometimes write a better belief for my
clients in dark marker on a brightly-colored index card, and I
ask them to tape the card to their bathroom mirror or other
place where they'll be reminded of it regularly. I also ask them
to say it aloud, and to keep repeating it to themselves when
the false belief rears its ugly head. Awareness of when the
detrimental belief comes to your mind is vital to challenging it
and changing it to a healthy belief that will help you move
forward in your life!
Copyright 2011 by Cara Kinning, ORGANIZED FOR LIFE
Please contact me
for reprint permission.
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